im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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