there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
