soooo we both peed the bed last night...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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