is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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