O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
