You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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