Welp...herpes.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
