checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
