We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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