you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
