Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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