Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
