I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
