You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
