I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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