weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
