you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
