ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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