I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
