So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
