Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
