Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
