No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize