My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
then he tried to convert me to islam
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
