She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
