Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
