i need an iv and a liver transplant
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My penis needs a shock collar
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
