nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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