Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
not ubering you a puppy
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize