is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
