I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
