i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I think we might need a safe word for this...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
