you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
