He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
