Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
