Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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