He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
