So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
