so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She's the barista slut.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
