My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
