Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
