was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
