I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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