you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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