Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize