So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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