A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
