I could have mohawked her pubes.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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