when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You're completely useless in the revolution.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
