you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
