...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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