I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
