we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
