apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
