some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
