Already got asked if we're dating
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
