Define "chronic" masturbator.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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