There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
