Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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