OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
