I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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